Brittany has many wonderful hotels. We however end up in a singularly ugly 1970's monstrosity built on the tip of an isolated and windswept peninsula. It's so ugly that one has to wonder how the architect could have designed it or the local planning authorities allow it to be put up. Perhaps its French humour.
' The font ' is happy. The hotel despite its aesthetic failings has a huge spa. This is staffed by non-smiling young people in what appear to be black pyjamas. The young women don't wear make up and the young men have shaved heads. Their presence gives the place a slightly sinister air. It's as though you've somehow stumbled onto the stage set for an early James Bond movie. It seems the job of the young people in black pyjamas is to hose the guests down with seawater. For this service they charge an arm and a leg. Angus points out that he would be quite happy to hose ' the font ' down with seawater for a fraction of the price. This offer is ignored.
' The font ' eats kelp for dinner. Angus has a little word with the chef and gets a steak. The other kelp eating diners look at Angus with what appears to be a mixture of hatred and jealousy . We eat like this for five , expensive , nights. On our third night ' the font ' gets given a sprat to go with the kelp.
The hotel has a bar. This becomes home to Angus. It's decorated entirely in grey and orange. A strangely unrestful combination. After dinner there is 'nightly entertainment '. This consists of a middle aged couple who perform under the name of Nat and Nadine. Nat sits behind the grand piano while Nadine perches uncomfortably on the edge of a tall bar stool. For most of the evening they croon happily away but come eleven o'clock each night Nadine slips off the bar stool, bows, walks to the side of the piano, looks lovingly at Nat and announces in very heavily accented English " Ladies and gentlemen, dear friends, to conclude our evening now I perform for you a moving elegy of spirituals ". Angus thinks Nat and Nadine are Brazilian. ' The font ' thinks they come from Serbia. Nadine then sings in a slow and tremulous fashion Joshua Fought the Battle of Jericho, Michael Row the Boat Ashore, The Yellow Rose of Texas, Fernando ( as sung by Abba ) and as the finale, that most famous of all spirituals, the Lonely Goatherd from the Sound of Music.
On Friday night the audience suddenly swells with the arrival of a dozen or so young male couples off the last train from Paris. The new arrivals are rather more stylish and certainly much more animated than we regulars. They enter enthusiastically into Nadines nightly rendering of the Lonely Goatherd. Nadine does encores. The young Parisian males dance and yodel. Nadine beams. On the fourth encore we retire to bed. '' That's not something you hear every day " says ' the font '. Angus has to agree. Maybe it's the seawater.